if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just want nice things and good sex
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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