i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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