All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
