My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
In America we eat man semen.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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