i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
