Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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