thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
