His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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