shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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