You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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