Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
