how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
