We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
