My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
