I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize