I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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