I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
