It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
