ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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