Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
