dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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