Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
