i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
