Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
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