You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize