Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
