the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize