first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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