So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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