toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
