why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
