Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
