the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
