Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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