what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
