I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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