You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
This is not my ceiling
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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