I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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