Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
