I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
