I showed him my bush... on skype.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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