i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sext me about skeletons
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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