butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
