i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
