upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize