Your tits are I can't wait for
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
