Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
