actually, I'm a sock model
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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