Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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