Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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