the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
