I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
