Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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