you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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