Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
