YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
