spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
there is glitter all over my balls
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