Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
