Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
