Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
