Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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