A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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