I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
