So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize