I just threw up on my dentist
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You left your underwear on the fireplace
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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