Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
