i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
