Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
my liver is dry heaving
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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