someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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