There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
