I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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