that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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