Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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