Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
