shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
