Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
