i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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