dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
