Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
